Still awake...

As the title says, I'm still awake. I've suddenly been struck by a vicious case of restless insomnia (I know that was redundant, but I'm tired, I can't sleep and I don't care). I don't know if it's some spiritual boredom, or if Eric Rhodes' depression is spreading, but I'm just unhappy right now.

As you may know, I've been travelling constantly, and I was hoping it would get me out of my funk, but all that nasty crap has somehow caught up with me. So, after being kicked out of Germany (well, I was kindly asked to leave, but I'm just as bitter), I went to Amsterdam for an awesome party. I had fun, got fucked up, got fucked, and left for London. In one day, I saw the British Museum, Big Ben (seriously, I've seen bigger) and parliament, Westminster Abbey... blah blah blah. In New York, I went to my regular hangout, O.W. in Midtown East, and got fucked up almost everynight and shopped everyday and went to an orgy during the Saturday I was there where I fooled around and got fucked by 30-something hot guys (I only got fucked by four guys, I think, and while using condoms of course, but I gave a lot of head to everyone else). In L.A., I got fucked up at Here Lounge then got fucked somewhere else... and then I was told to go to San Francisco. By the way: I'm not a slut; I'm a lovable strumpet.

And now, in San Francisco, I'm sleeping in a giant custom made bed, watching TV, and being a bum in a three story townhouse near Coit Tower for free. Why the fuck am I sooo restless right now. I don't really know what to say. I've thought about everything I did today, which was pretty much nothing compared to a normal person's day, and it makes me feel even more fucke up. Judge for yourself if I should feel the way or not. Here was my day:

I ate three glazed Entenmann's donuts before I walked a couple of blocks and bought Blake Riley a congrats card for his big win - Blake, if you're reading this, sorry, but I fucked up this sweet gesture which was supposed to be a surprise by blogging about it - while talking to my friend Alex about his job, his clients (not escort clients, but actual clients related to his job), and how cute Matt Dallas is cause the new episode of Kyle XY (ABCfamily 8/7c with repeats at midnight) was on today. Then I spent $120 on a brick of six year old Chinese tea in Chinatown... cause I choose to ignore the fact that I'm broke from all the flights I've been on. Then I went back to the house and answered e-mails for a few hours while watching the tube with porn playing on my computer, all while waiting for Kyle XY to come on. I cooked and ate a NY Strip steak. After that, it got really, really boring... I jacked off three or four times to straight porn cause I couldn't think of anything better to do, acted obsessive compulsive and cleaned the house, drank eight pots of tea, ate a pint of green tea ice cream, flossed and brushed my teeth four times, flirted and turned down sex and escort clients on-line, and smoked half a pack of cigarettes... none of that in any specific or planned order, of course.


Yes, that was a little too detailed... but it's all on my mind for some stupid reason... especially the donuts, the steak, and the ice cream (so sue me... I had a fat day). Seriously... WTF. I think I'm fallen into this funk 'cause I just don't know what my future is going to be... and I'm afraid to move forward after failing to actually live in Germany like I originally planned. Now, I have no plan, not enough money, and no job. I'm a frightened fag with nothing to do.

Suggestions, anyone?

If I actually post this, I'm going to be surprised... oh fuck it. I don't care. I'm posting this blog even if it makes me sound like a whiny bitch. I admit it, I fucked up back in August by moving to Germany and relying on that plan to work without having an alternative plan. If saying that makes me a whiny bitch, then so be it, cause at least I have $120 worth of tea, vodka-redbulls, and cigarettes while I ponder shit over.