Damn My Broken iPod...

... damn it to Hell!

Yeah... so... fun stuff this morning! I just got home. I haven't slept since I woke up at 11 AM yesterday (March 4th), and my iPod broke very early this morning and I spent pretty much the whole day trying to correct this injustice that the gods have decided to torture me with. I went to the Apple store in San Francisco at 10 AM this morning - which means I had already been awake for 23 hrs by that point (and alas, I had bid adu to my sanity by that Spring hour) - and after an hour, they finally tell me to sign up for an appointment. So, the earliest time I could fit into todays schedule was at 12:50 PM. What the hell?! An hour and fifty minutes later? Why couldn't we just do it "first cum, first served up in a martini glass" style? Sometimes, corporate America abuses the damned internet to mind-f&%k us!

So, what did I do with that time? I went shopping for new evil toys at Mr. S Leather - which, somehow, has become my local hang out when I'm not doing anything during the day - and I ended up leaving an hour later with a copy of last month's Instigator Magazine (Wot?! I already had this months... teehee). On the up side, I believe I would make a very imaginative and sadistic vengeful god... what, with all the visions of destruction I had racing around in my exhausted brain after what happened with my damn iPod - this would be the third one I've had to replace to this day, by the way. This is why I would never make a good Buddhist no matter how Chinese I am (and yes, I am half Chinese, and no, the other half is neither Caucasian or Japanese).

Anyway, when I get there, I waited again until 1:15 PM, 25 minutes past my appointment time, but luckily I get this really hot guy, and he ends up doing all these tests and stuff that's way beyond my league when it comes to Apple products (I use a PC... I don't care if Mac's are better. I like my computer. It's a Panasonic Toughbook and it's tiny with a DVD player and CD burner that pops up with the mouse pad... If it was an ass, I'd fuck the opening of that drive) and he finally decides to just give me a new one even though my files with Apple apparently were never done correctly. Gawd, I wanna give that hotty a hell of a blow job for making this a helluva lot easier! Thank you Anonymous-guy-whose-name-I've-already-forgotten-even-though-I-wanna-make-you-shoot-your-wad-like-the-volcano-that-destroyed-Pompei! Seriously, this is so not because I'm a slut. I was just excited because I didn't know geeks came in the color of hot with a nice bulge in his jeans... but then again, this is San Francisco!

And that's another crazy sleepless morning in the life of Kyler Coy!

GayVN Bondage Fun: Tony Buff's Quick Arm Bind

It's crazy how I'm still blogging about the GayVN 2008 weekend, but I am. I don't remember if I blogged about this yet, but after the unofficial after party at Powerhouse, a bunch of us (mr. Pam, Chad Donovan, Rod Barry, Derek da Silva, Antonio Madeira, Tony Buff, FiveStar, Chris Steele, Ross Cannon, and me) headed over to mr. Pam's Playhouse to drink some more, even though most of us were already competely hammered (yes... me...). Anyway, while we were there, Tony Buff displayed for us all how to do a Quick Arm Bind on Derek da Silva, and of course FiveStar. Well, here it is (but before you press play, it would be wise to scroll down to the bottom and pause the Playlist music player):



I am sooooooo hot for Tony Buff. He is basically my ultimate daddy fantasy!!! I would totally be his boy with Derek if he asked.
If you look very closely while Tony is binding Derek's right arm, you can see me for a millisecond drunkenly wiping down the counter in the kitchen and getting ready to take some pictures there. And now for some of those pictures (in chronological order) of the little drunken gathering:


In the center is Derek da Silva. On the right is Tony Buff, and on the left is FiveStar, the lovely person who filmed the video for all of you.

Here, we're in the middle of filming. As you can see, the camera is up on the right.

While the bondage demonstartion is going on, mr. Pam shows off her talents on a banana. To the left is Chad Donovan, and on the right is Antonio Madeira.

mr. Pam get's Antonio's attention.

If you were paying attention to the video, this is where Tony pulls the rope up around Derek's crotch.

Here, Tony narrates as he's about to bring the rope up to Derek's neck.

The last pic.

There are more photos from the night, but I'll spare you Rod's drunken photographs or mr. Pam which he took with my camera. (Seriously, if you saw them, your mind would implode from all the randomness that is Rod Barry's photography skills... or lack of. Luv ya Rob... would love you more if you were gay!)

Grrr... I'm Restless!

I normally don't like to post so soon after having posted an interview because I don't want to take attention away from industry news and stuff... I'm restless and I'm angry. Some people know that I usually can't sleep at night (I'm a night owl... duhhh. How else do you explain my rampant partying and sexcapades?), and because I haven't been sleeping and there's nothing to do sometimes, I've been reorganizing all of mine and my brother's stuff in the master bedroom cause he's straight... and so he's naturally a messy, unorganized wierdo. Well, after going through the nightstands, the closet, the cabinets, etc., I've been finding shit from the past two years I thought I've lost. I've been finding designer watches, jewelry, colognes, lotions, skin care products, and other trinkets and baubles. He even stole a condom box designed by Alessi that I bought a year and a half ago when I was in college... and after living through Hurricane Katrina, the amount I paid for this shiny object cost me what was in those days a small fortune. Ummm... by the way, I'm easily seduced by shiny objects... teehee.


Where was I? Oh yeah... what the fuck, dude?! When I was in Germany and I needed money cause I was running low on funds while I wasn't getting paid since I didn't have a German visa, he only lent me $300... and with the conversion rate to Euros, that's nothing. But all of a sudden, there's like $7000 worth of missing shit that's been turning up all over the place, and half the shit is ruined. The watches don't work, the cologne bottles are empty but still in the cabinets, my condom box is scratched up and it didn't even seal tightly like it's supposed to. Does he know how many people I've had to sleep to get just half of these things? I am sooooo PISSED! The worst part about it is that I found three condoms in the condom box. An Ultra Thin Trojan (Yay for the next guy who'll be fucking me), and two Durex condoms with Chinese characters on it, which obviously mean they were purchased during one of his many trips to Shanghai where he works. Not only do I dislike Durex condoms cause they seem to suck for guys with huge dicks... and me loves some o' that huge dicks, but they were made in China. Do you know how many Chinese people are out there in China? Any my brother chooses willingly to trust Chinese condoms?! Seriously... I had to throw them away!

I've decided that for revenge, I'm stealing either the antennas off of his remote control cars that he's spent months building (by the way, he's 10 years older than me) or I'm stealing one of his Hermes ties and one of his Jim Thompson ties. I know the former would be a bitchier thing to do cause each one of those cars cost a couple hundred... but I don't think I can pass up the ties... They have a shiny sheen to the fabric. Damn! Why do I have to be so easily seduced by shiny objects?!

And just so you stay interested... here's a reduced picture of my ass I took Wednesday night/Thursday morning cause I couldn't sleep:

Damn...

... I'm out of cigarettes. What the fuck!!!

I know I'm bugging the shit out of my brother's friend - who is staying at my house at the moment cause we let him - by walking by his door over and over again cause I'm acting all obsessive compulsive by cleaning every gawd damned thing in the house. Geez... I know I fucking rubbed a few out already, but he's French, his wife isn't here tonight (and she's Chinese, so I know he likes rice) and I really just wanna fuck him. Hehe... maybe I am a slut, but y'all should just pretend that I'm a lovable strumpet anyway.

Still awake...

As the title says, I'm still awake. I've suddenly been struck by a vicious case of restless insomnia (I know that was redundant, but I'm tired, I can't sleep and I don't care). I don't know if it's some spiritual boredom, or if Eric Rhodes' depression is spreading, but I'm just unhappy right now.

As you may know, I've been travelling constantly, and I was hoping it would get me out of my funk, but all that nasty crap has somehow caught up with me. So, after being kicked out of Germany (well, I was kindly asked to leave, but I'm just as bitter), I went to Amsterdam for an awesome party. I had fun, got fucked up, got fucked, and left for London. In one day, I saw the British Museum, Big Ben (seriously, I've seen bigger) and parliament, Westminster Abbey... blah blah blah. In New York, I went to my regular hangout, O.W. in Midtown East, and got fucked up almost everynight and shopped everyday and went to an orgy during the Saturday I was there where I fooled around and got fucked by 30-something hot guys (I only got fucked by four guys, I think, and while using condoms of course, but I gave a lot of head to everyone else). In L.A., I got fucked up at Here Lounge then got fucked somewhere else... and then I was told to go to San Francisco. By the way: I'm not a slut; I'm a lovable strumpet.

And now, in San Francisco, I'm sleeping in a giant custom made bed, watching TV, and being a bum in a three story townhouse near Coit Tower for free. Why the fuck am I sooo restless right now. I don't really know what to say. I've thought about everything I did today, which was pretty much nothing compared to a normal person's day, and it makes me feel even more fucke up. Judge for yourself if I should feel the way or not. Here was my day:

I ate three glazed Entenmann's donuts before I walked a couple of blocks and bought Blake Riley a congrats card for his big win - Blake, if you're reading this, sorry, but I fucked up this sweet gesture which was supposed to be a surprise by blogging about it - while talking to my friend Alex about his job, his clients (not escort clients, but actual clients related to his job), and how cute Matt Dallas is cause the new episode of Kyle XY (ABCfamily 8/7c with repeats at midnight) was on today. Then I spent $120 on a brick of six year old Chinese tea in Chinatown... cause I choose to ignore the fact that I'm broke from all the flights I've been on. Then I went back to the house and answered e-mails for a few hours while watching the tube with porn playing on my computer, all while waiting for Kyle XY to come on. I cooked and ate a NY Strip steak. After that, it got really, really boring... I jacked off three or four times to straight porn cause I couldn't think of anything better to do, acted obsessive compulsive and cleaned the house, drank eight pots of tea, ate a pint of green tea ice cream, flossed and brushed my teeth four times, flirted and turned down sex and escort clients on-line, and smoked half a pack of cigarettes... none of that in any specific or planned order, of course.


Yes, that was a little too detailed... but it's all on my mind for some stupid reason... especially the donuts, the steak, and the ice cream (so sue me... I had a fat day). Seriously... WTF. I think I'm fallen into this funk 'cause I just don't know what my future is going to be... and I'm afraid to move forward after failing to actually live in Germany like I originally planned. Now, I have no plan, not enough money, and no job. I'm a frightened fag with nothing to do.

Suggestions, anyone?

If I actually post this, I'm going to be surprised... oh fuck it. I don't care. I'm posting this blog even if it makes me sound like a whiny bitch. I admit it, I fucked up back in August by moving to Germany and relying on that plan to work without having an alternative plan. If saying that makes me a whiny bitch, then so be it, cause at least I have $120 worth of tea, vodka-redbulls, and cigarettes while I ponder shit over.

Another First: The GBU Golden Showers Party in New York

I’m finally in Los Angeles. I actually got in yesterday night. Actually, I’m not having that great of a time right now. It’s not that I don’t like Los Angeles; it’s just that I’m recovering from a cold that I caught while I was staying in my family’s New York apartment – I officially hate our neighbors now. The cold sort of stunted my trip. I never expected to be so disappointed by a visit to my favorite city, but rubbing my nose raw with a tissue just sucked. It did start off very promising, though. The first three days of my trip to New York was awesome.

For the first time in a very long time, I was able to cross off another thing on my “to do” list. I had my first orgy. Now, I’ve had threesomes, and fourgies, but none of those can really be called a full blown orgy. I don’t know how most people define the word “orgy,” but for me, an orgy always has more than nine people. A fourgy may sound like an orgy, but it isn’t. It’s just a threesome plus one. Now, the first orgy that I’ve ever had that I’m referring to was at the GBU party. It was difficult to get to, mainly because I’m currently a resident of a European country. But, overall, I’m glad I flew for half a day straight just to get to New York City.

Beyond that, the R train that I was supposed to take to get to the GBU party in Brooklyn wasn’t working properly. I took a different train instead that made the same subway stops. I arrived right around midnight, and the party had already been in full blast for hours. I was escorted downstairs and immediately directed into the back with a new GBU jersey, given to me by the incomparable and sexy stud Chris Hawke himself. Walking to the back, I saw at least sixty guys, all young, horny, fit, and glistening with mixtures of sex-sweat and piss. It’s strange that while walking through the corridors behind the DJ booth and bar, it didn’t smell of raunch or degradation like a sex pit normally would. It smelled of… well the best word I could think of is “youth”; the place had this distinct scent, as if everyone and everything around was emitting only high levels of pheromones and nothing else.

I’ve been in sex pits before. An old friend of mine actually used to work in a bathhouse in New Orleans. A group of us used to get a room and smoke weed and munch on chips all night long and joke constantly about how gross the bath house was, and each time, we would try and convince at least one of us to go out the cabin door and do something naughty – no one ever did. Even then, constant odors of stale lube and random unflattering sex odors would waft into our room even though our door was kept permanently closed until our friend would get off work. Strangely, I remember those odors to have a distinct similarity to college frat parties I went to before I graduated from college. The GBU frat house was completely different. It was odor free except for that one heavenly scent and the desire to mingle wasn’t bogged down by any dank atmosphere – it was dark down there, but surprisingly not dank.

After navigating through the corridor of moaning walls and glory holes, the back was where the larger part of the party was taking place. After a few minutes of watching, a tub that had three boys in it being drenched in piss was being cleared and Chris and I entered into the tub. A friend of Chris was the first to actually christen both our fresh new GBU jerseys. It started with that one guy aiming his dick from one to the other, then a second would follow, and a third, until at one point, there were five new guys spreading their lust-filled spatterings all over us.

At some point, while taking a breather after fooling around in the middle of twenty guys in the play area (I believe there were about 75 people there that night overall), I met a cute couple by the bar while munching on the complimentary bowls of popcorn (like people always say, the best things in life are free... especially food when you have an oral fixation like me); two dancers in their twenties who had only been dating for a few months when they found out that they both shared the same fetish. As a couple, it was their first trip to the GBU party together. They had each been to GBU parties in the past, but they didn’t always go to every one. So when they did attend a function, it was always the one that the other missed. So, for months, they had been missing out on each other until they finally met at a bar in Midtown East. They started dating in an open relationship, but they both struggled for a way to ask the other to explore this particular fetish that they didn’t realize they both shared. They were mutually amazed when they found out each was trying to ask the other to go to a GBU party. I really thought this kind of stuff was made for all those chick flick enthusiasts, but honestly, I was dumbfounded that shit like that happened. I believe the word for this is serendipity.

Now, don’t you wish you could go to the next GBU party? It's on the 9th of February…

If you want to get added to the guest list for the next party (Chris hosts them every few months), then e-mail Chris Hawke at ChrisHawkeGBU@aol.com for more info. Here's a piss vid for all of you who missed out but wished you could have made it to this last one. The video is from Golden Boys USA , who hosted the GBU College Watersports Party in New York City:

By the way, this video also happens to be one of the most watched videos on X Tube. And I stayed in that apartment for the night after the party. Gotta love NYC.

Back from a long absence...

Dear All:

I know it's a cliche to write an Editor's Letter, but I'm going to attempt one as this is a new starting point. So, as this is the opening to pretty much a new issue (and I use the magazine term "issue" loosely to represent a new stage of my life), I think I deserve to write a Editor's Letter. Don't you agree? Don't answer that question.

If you haven't noticed the fact that I've been missing, then you were probably either a coma victim, or you've been away yourself (hopefully the latter applies if either apply at all). However, majority of my readers out there are aware that I really haven't posted anything since my birthday on the 28th of September (and I'm still pretending that I'm in my teens; I do have very good stamina when it comes to lying to myself).

To tell you the truth, the reason why I've been AWOL for so long is because Nuremberg is really fucking boring. There... I said it. I made a TERRIBLE MISTAKE by choosing to move here. It's not that Germany sucks (actually, most of Germany is awesome), or that Nuremberg sucks (though it kind of does), but where I've chosen to live kind of separated me from the rest of the world outside the city limits. I'm a porn blogger, and I'm living in a city where practically no one watches, discusses, or "acts" in porn. How fucking stupid is that?!

Berlin would have been a better choice, but ever since I pretty much spent a giant chunk of my money (mostly lost through the crappy US$ to EUR conversion rate) trying to survive in Nuremberg, I can't move to Berlin now. It's too late. Too bad, too, cause Berlin is the home of crazy/freaky clubs like the Kit Kat Club (where Hustlaball Berlin was held, and I did go), great restuarants (like Reinhardts which has the most amazing roast duck served in a German/French fusion styled orange glaze sauce), and other great "ass"-ets like Cazzo Films (and if you guys at Cazzo are reading this: Awesome fucking movies, dudes! Can I get a few for "free"-ish?).

Now that all that crap has been cleared off my lightly hairy chest, I have a bunch of news to tell everyone:

1. Duh... I've returned!
2. I wasn't coke-ing up somewhere.
3. I'm moving back to Los Angeles in a few months.

Yup, that's right. I'm moving back to the USA in a few months. One of the reasons why is because I've really exhausted all my saved funds, and since my visa is a non-working visa, I don't have an expendable income - I don't have an income at all. I was supposed to have a working visa, but the government keeps sending me papers and forms to fill out every two weeks in the mail and refuses to give me a working visa until I commit suicide because the government apparently doesn't like to make things easy for foreigners. The other reason why I'm moving back is because Nuremberg is really too small of a city for me. It's sort of like New Orleans: it's a big city atmosphere in a quaint little town, ergo the term town-city. Though I like Nuremberg for it's atmosphere, too much of a good thing is still too much. I miss Los Angeles, and I miss New York. I even fucking miss New Orleans (even though that was a small city, it was still a really fucking raunchy place to be during the fall to spring seasons).

So, this Thursday (December 6th), I'm going to be visiting some family in Manhattan, and in a few weeks (December 18th), I will be back in Los Angeles for the holidays - look for me in West Hollywood if you're in the neighborhood. I will be returning to Nuremberg on the 9th of January but only for a short period (maybe 1 - 2.5 months or so) to finish up some business and start the moving process all over again. I expect that I will again be a resident of California no later than March. Until then, I will have a lot to report on, whether it's porn star interviews, Yum-Yum Boys, or some adult entertainment news.

I hope all of you readers out there didn't disappear, cause I'm really going to need to hear your comments and suggestions like always, so that you can all stay fucking entertained.


Suck me off,
Kyler Coy

Bier...

For some random reason, Germany looooves its bier (beer/German version of water... YAY)! So I'm devoting this entire post to beer related things in Germany. Basically this is my way of making you all stare at my own personal slideshow of pictures. So, get some popcorn ready and click on the pics to enlarge them.

So...I went to a Biergarten in the countryside not far from Nuremberg last Thursday. Apparently I was in the region of Franconia. I had German soda... as you can see in the following picture:



And during the weekend, I was at a carnival next to that giant structure where all those Hitler Propaganda films were filmed... you know, the one where he's speaking to a massive crowd in a giant open arena/stadium. Anyway, at the carnival, there were Carnies, empty rides, and Beer Halls. There was even a beer tent the size of a concert hall:



In the center, there were enough long tables and benches to fit 500 people beneath the many chandeliers; on one side, there was a stage with a band with kiosques selling beer flanking it; and, on both the long sides of the tent, they were selling beer:



And lastly, between the two entrances, there was a bar selling beer, and an entire cow being roasted on a spit. Yeah... ummm... an entire cow! (For the protection of the food industry guys in the picture from such groups as PITA, I have sadly blocked out the face of the cute guy on the left... and some random guy on the right)



Well, that's it for all the pictures. But I do have one last surprise, if you will:



I'm sorry... I seriously just can't stop laughging my ass off. Don't'cha love Deutschland?!



This has got to be what happens when good carbs go bad.

Nuremberg, Baby!

I'm sure you've all been forgetting about me... especially since I haven't posted a blog in a while, but there's actually quite a good reason for why I've been missing. I've been travelling.... AGAIN! Right now, I've settled down in the city I will actually be living in for quite a while: Nuremberg (Nürnberg), a city in the Bavarian province of Germnay (Deutschland) famous for its wooden toys, some pastries called Lebkuchen, an actual "berg" (castle), and some other stuff like domes on old buildings that pop out of the skyline looking like female nipples... seriously. I guess the city is famous for other things like the Nuremberg Trials and the Nuremberg Chronicles... and all that Nazi background and stuff, but seriously... the dome on the main train station here looks like a gangrenous female nipple.


Do you see it? Do you see it?

So... apparently, I'm not the first person to point that out. Anyway, here's how my flights to Germany went. I first flew out of JFK to Liverpool, which was fine. While in Liverpool, I checked in for my flight to Berlin... which sucked. The ticket didn't have a gate number, and they made me stuff my second carry-on into my first, which didn't fit and was busting out at the seams like a crazy bursting banana that's about to spackel the inside of a microwave, before going through security, and I was pretty much lost for half an hour. Here's what happened when I asked some random lady for help:

Me: Um... my ticket doesn't seem to have a gate number. Do you know where I can find out where I'm supposed to go?

Evil Lady: (with a british accent)Oh, dear. I'm sorry, but I don't speak a bit of English... Why don't you ask that queer looking old lady with the blue bonnet waving her cane around at people when they approach her. She seems like a nice old American.


Well, I reached my flight safely after using a fake British accent while asking some other couple where I'm supposed to go (which they then proceeded to ignore me when they noticed I had an American passport), and I got to Berlin in about two hours only to find myself waiting at the baggage claim carousel next to that Evil Lady who supposedly didn't speak any English. Oh well, who cares? I'm in EUROPE! YAY!!!

Post-Surgery Recovery

My surgery went well. I had one of the best surgical doctors in the area, so it was no surprise that the the surgery took a third of the original estimated time, which is great, espeicially since it meant I had less side effects from the full anesthesia. I actually wasn't nauseous and I didn't feel like I had a hangover afterwards... well, my bitch level was nonexistent for the first few hours after the surgery. I still can't believe how nice I was after I woke up. I even hugged a nurse after I was released from the hospital. I'm not exactly sure if being pleasant was good for me... everyone else seemed to love it though.

Anyway, the incisions will be healing for a few days, so I can't spend that much time blogging. I will actually be fully healed in two to three weeks, but I'll be in working condition probably after a week or so. I still wanted to say something to everyone who sent me well wishes during this awkward time in my life: Thank you; I really do appreciate you all. Damn, there was that pleasant attitude coming back. Oh well.

And to Lex Sabre: if you serenade me over the phone one more time within the next week, I will have to hurt you, especially since you won't smuggle me cigarettes.

Sorry I haven't been around lately...

I know I've been absent for about a month and I apologize. It's not that I didn't want to post, it's because I couldn't. Allow me to explain:

After returning back to Los Angeles, I had only a few days to stay and catch up with friends before my parents sent me on a trip to Shanghai to visit my brother. The trip was awesome, and I had the chance to explore all the hotspots of the city and all the great bargain hunting in random neighborhoods known for ripping people off for false antiques. I actually acquired a lot of great things due to my superior bargaining skills (one of the random things I bought from an antique store is pictured to the right... how perverted were my people back then?). It seems people there were afraid of bargaining with me because they thought I was Japanese... which I'm not. I'm not exactly sure, but I think being Japanese in China means something. I'm not sure, but it was an interesting thing to deal with. Either way, I couldn't, for some reason, access my blog while in China. It probably had something to do with my brother's internet connection, so the situation was out of my control.

Anyway, After I came back to LA, I had to go to a lot of doctors to deal with some injuries that developed before my trip; they became more serious with the strenuous traveling. I don't have a disease or virus, and I know this because I've had my complete bloodwork done in the last few days as per my mother's request, since my father has been diagnosed with diabetes like my mother... Needles are painful, by the way; at least I know that I'm completely clean... no hepatitis, no HIV, no TB, no meningitis, no syphilis, etc. What I have are a few physical injuries that need to be dealt with, so I'm headed to the hospital for surgery later today. It was only confirmed yesterday and I really didn't want to blog about any of this unless I definitely needed surgery. So, now I'm dying of thirst and hunger since I'm not allowed to eat or drink water before surgery... and I really just want a percocet. After I come back, I'll probably be hocked up on painkillers and drugs, but I'll catch you guys up on my trip to Shanghai and all the stuff I did before that.